the right to remain silent, not the obligation.

bodypositivityforguys:

handling-it:

[Sniping most of the post for the sake of ease of viewing.  Click the link above to see the whole thing.]

So I guess my overall question to your overall answer is which is it? Are you conscious and trying but just having trouble, as is expected of everyone at some point? Or are you just  too “lazy,” in which case what on earth makes you feel like you deserve a break? Cause like, sure, everyone has trouble, which is why it’s helpful for people who see problems to point them out to us. I wasn’t harsh, I didn’t tag this as any of the -ism categories it falls under, I just reblogged, asked my questions, and went about my day. I was direct, yes, because I don’t believe in sugar-coating things that need to be said. But it’s not as if I attacked you, which I’m assuming you also feel because you’ve stated specifically that you won’t post things that aren’t contributing to positivity. However, if you’re just lazy or uninterested in being accountable then that’s not only sucky but also something that I as a follower am interested in knowing since you’re running a space that you have specified as safe and positive.

I mean, I’d like to think that it’s a case of conscious and trying but just having trouble, but I’m biased because I’m talking about myself.  I get what you’re saying, and I will try to stop using the concepts of “physically female/male” regarding anatomy into my descriptions now.

I think I was getting defensive because what you’re arguing hits at the very purpose of this blog.  I mean, the point of the blog is that it’s for people who are male-identifying, -presenting, and/or -bodied.  You argue that anyone who IDs as male does have a male body, in which case the distinction “male-bodied” is meaningless and can be merged with “male-identifying”.  It’s not a far step from that to say that anyone who IDs as male does have male presentation, regardless of other standards of masculinity/femininity of their clothes, so then the distinction of “male” all comes down to gender identity.

Which I guess on some level I’m okay with (in my own personal life, I definitely do subscribe to the “identity trumps all” philosophy when it comes to addressing my friends).  But if we’re going to accept gender identity, a mental thing, as the trump card of gender, then what’s the point of having a body positivity blog specifically for guys?  If being a guy only comes from the inside, then there goes 98% of my content, which was reblogged specifically because the people portrayed are (by the standard conventions) male-presenting or male-bodied.  And that’s where it becomes a hard pill for me to swallow.  Because this blog is important to me, and to many other people, judging by the messages I’ve gotten. (I know I don’t respond to all of them, but I read them all, and they are all appreciated!) So anything that suggests that I should stop is icky to me.

There’s probably a way to reconcile those two ideas that I’m just not seeing, so I’ll open it up to your suggestions, lovely followers.

I mean, by saying it’s a space for anyone who is male-identifying, then you’re already saying that it doesn’t matter what your body is? Unless you mean that people have to be both male-identifying and also been assigned male at birth. And yes, I’m saying the distinction of “male-bodied” is meaningless the way you’re using it — what you mean by “male-bodied” is “has a penis” which means you’re not only talking about men — you’re talking about many people of many genders.

“If being a guy only comes from the inside, then there goes 98% of my content, which was reblogged specifically because the people portrayed are (by the standard conventions) male-presenting or male-bodied. “

What you’re saying is that you only want a space that represents people who “look like men” — according to what YOU think men look like, which is based off of societal norms, which is what you’re trying to fight against by running a body positivity blog—  so you’re right, I don’t think there IS a point to your blog.

Why is it okay to use one form of marginalization and oppression to fight against another? You’re running a blog whose intention is to uplift and inspire people whose bodies and lives are ignored and destroyed by the general public, and you’re perpetuating the same behavior. Just because the idea that you’re being EXTREMELY problematic and should definitely stop is “icky” to you doesn’t mean that you should not address it. 

At any rate, it’s clear that this blog is still not a safe space for those of us whose bodies haven’t been approved by the majority. 

I have been living stealth at my job, and it has been rough, but I do not feel safe coming out. This week, we have some teachers who are not regulars hanging out here just to help out. Just a few minutes ago, one of the visiting teachers just walked into my room while I was completely topless. I am so anxious and stressed and scared. What do I do?

Help much appreciated!

handling-it:

Hey everyone! I want to start this by saying I’ve gotten help before and I really really appreciate everything that has been done for me as a member of various communities and everything that I have been able to do for others as a result of this help. I’m in a situation right now where my T prescription was not able to be filled through my regular clinic do to a genuine mix-up. I had been unable to get in to the clinic post hurricane to get my script filled and when I finally did get there, the day I left NY, they couldn’t fill it because it expired and my doctor wasn’t in to re-write it. They forwarded it to a pharmacy in Illinois where I’m currently at, but since I have no insurance it’s going to cost me a shit ton of money to pick it up. On top of that, I just had to make several giant repairs to my car. New tires ($530) and new fuel lines ($140) and it still needs a new sensor ($80) that is draining my gas mileage hardcore the longer it goes unrepared. I have around $280 to my name right now after draining my savings to pay those and I still have to pay my cellphone bill this month and car insurance in two months. If you can donate anything at all, I would appreciate it immensely. I can offer crafts like mugs and bracelets etc in exchange or I can offer things like help with academic works— specifically article research and paper construction or proofreading/editing. If you want to see examples of papers I have crafted myself to judge my abilities I would be happy to send them to you. If you are in the Pittsburgh area starting in February and need help with household chores or things like that I will also be happy to come help you do those things— I have worked for a cleaning service for five years doing both residential and corporate cleans and I have credentials to back me up if you would like any of those. As a side note, I am CPR, AED, and first aid certified at the professional rescuer level (I am a lifeguard and a camp counselor) so if those are things that are important to know then there you go. I am writing this from a phone because I don’t currently have computer or Internet access but I have a PayPal account and money can be transferred for free on their website to my email address, which is cavanaughquick@gmail.com. Thanks for reading or signal boosting or donating! Please feel free to email me or shoot me an ask to tell me what you would like in exchange. Love, Cav

So, on top of that, my wallet was taken this week from a convenience store — my ID, my debit card, everything is gone. I had a gift card in there from Target, which was a collective gift from my family so that I could buy some pants for work. They are looking for the receipt now to see if I can call and have the balance replaced, which Target will do in the instance of a lost or stolen card, but if the person already spent that then there’s nothing they can do. So now I’m out all that money anyway and I can’t even get new pants to wear to a job interview to get a job to make some money. 

If you can signal boost or donate, anything is appreciated.